Patience Care
On my way home I looked up, as I always do, at my friend’s mother’s maisonette. She no longer stands at the window admiring the view over the water – well, she’s in her late nineties so that’s understandable. A couple of months ago she was in a local rest home after a fall and, after looking round to make sure she wasn’t over heard, confided to my friend’s sister that the place “was full of old people”. Regardless of her years, she has a strong spirit of independence.
She also has a severe hearing loss, which is also understandable. My pal finds her ‘resistance’ to using the things that make up for that lost hearing …………… challenging? With his mother he’s always considerate and patient, whilst with me he admits her disregard of hearing aid etc. tests his patience. As those who’ve lived through someone else’s hearing loss will know only too well, the TV volume is the first indicator. As my mate put it, ‘the TV is almost full volume, the walls are reverberating and the neighbours are wearing hearing defenders and she says they don’t talk clearly on TV nowadays’ – okay, I paraphrase, but I’ll bet there’s someone out there nodding their head.
“Wear your hearing aid”, he says, “that thing never works”, is the reply. Could it be the wrong selectable settings have been activated, I suggest. I won’t repeat his answer. The rest home did try to help with the hearing issues; their recommendation was to consult a private service as the NHS waiting list was about 18 months. I’m not going to suggest that older people can’t cope with technology because that’s not true, I know many younger people who can’t cope either. I think it’s more a case of don’t want to, so won’t bother. Or they could be scared of damaging something irreparably.
That comment about TV was all too familiar. I knew Sue had a serious problem when I parked in the drive and could hear the TV, which was in the rear of the house. It’s not that Sue was in denial of her lost hearing, just that she didn’t know she was hearing less – perhaps the same goes for my friend’s mother. And that’s when tact and diplomacy comes to the fore. Explaining that it is hearing loss rather than people muttering etc. can provoke many emotions – fear of the future and how to cope being the most obvious.
But putting off that talk could be damaging, there might be a medical condition which could be treated if caught early. Life with someone whose hearing has deteriorated is easier when consideration and forethought are employed. After all, we don’t have the hearing problem, we just need to use coping strategies of which patience is the most important, and often, the hardest to practice. When that happens, as it will, take a breath, count to 10 (or a hundred) and start again.